How’s that for my first post in a few days?! 😉
Once you get engaged, you are consumed by questions – “what are your colors?” “when is the date?” “what does your dress look like?” It is overwhelming. I personally, could not wait until my wedding day. It was going to be just Tyler and I, together and mostly left alone, to live out married bliss.
Yeah, right. Barely a week after our vows, everyone jumped right into my uterus. I was now consumed by “so when are you having kids?” “how many kids do you want?” and dozens of variations of the same question.
It was frustrating. Anyone who knows me knows that I love children. I’ve wanted to be a mother my whole life. But Tyler and I discussed our plan long before we were married. We had two VERY opposite ideas of how many kids to have, and when to start and finish. It took dozens of conversations to reach a compromise.
I dislike compromises, usually. It seems unfair that no one ever really gets what they truly want. In our case, it was a necessary evil. I love Tyler, and he loves me. We decided that we would both be happy with two children. Granted, he might be happier with less, and I might be happier with more, but we will both be happy with two.
Our second hurdle was the timeline. This is something that I find very private. It was something that Tyler and I were on the same page about, and I didn’t feel that I should have to explain it to anyone else. There have been some people that are very important to Tyler and I that feel the need to push their opinions on us.
Now, we are consumed by comments such as “Its never the right time, if you don’t start now then it will never happen.” I’m being told I’m getting old, that I’m starting to hit the slope for my increased likelihood of having a child with disabilities or a miscarriage. I’m told to not worry about money or things, that these things always work themselves out. Others tell me how much they want us to have children, for THEIR own benefit. Grandchildren/nieces or nephews/someone to shop and babysit for/their children need friends, etc.
Its really shocking to me that in 2010, when women are having children into their 40s, that my childless state at 25 is such a cause of great concern. Its more shocking that people that are close to me can be so pushy. Tyler and I are happy – our sex life is no one else’s business.
Like I said before, our timeline is private. So for all others know, our timeline started six months after our wedding. Hypothetically, that would mean we have been trying to conceive for a year, without success. How doubly hurtful these comments would be – trying to get with child, and getting criticized for it in the process? People just don’t think sometimes.
As I’m going through RCIA, and learning more about the Catholic church, I was excited that last week’s class was regarding Natural Family Planning. Since before Tyler and I were even married, I swore off birth control. I hated the hormones in my body. I felt that my mood swings were more severe, and my cramps were worse. I especially hated the idea of depending on a chemical pill to prevent pregnancy.
I learned about charting several years ago – keeping track of your body temperature, and charting it to identify spikes in your fertility and ovulation. You also pay close attention to signs your body provides, such as tracking your cervical mucus, menstruation cycle, and other symptoms. I include migraines, skin breakouts, and cramps. It makes me feel so familiar with my body, and there really becomes a common trend in the charts. There are many websites that help with this process, such as www.fertilityfriend.com. I personally use an app on my phone (the Android G1 for T-Mobile) called My Days to enter everything in. I also use Ovulation Prediction Kits as an added measure of determining where I am in my cycle.
I was lucky that when I decided to become Catholic, I was already educated about this practice which, as far as I can tell, is completely in line with their teachings of Natural Family Planning. Tyler and I have completely open discussions about where I am, and I’ll often leave something on the bathroom counter as a reminder of my status so that he knows before he might decide to wake me up that night 😉
I love my husband. And whether we are where we wanted to be in our journey together, or things aren’t working out as planned, we are going through it together. Just think about this before asking the next newlywed you meet what’s going on in her womb. Let him or her initiate that conversation with you.
And newlyweds? Start building up your arsenal of come backs – I was never very good about this, but I’ve heard the following can be successful: